If that’s for the greater good…

If that’s for the greater good, then you can have it.
Because I cannot sacrifice once more for this.
I cannot sacrifice one more breath and pretend like everything is okay.
If I am meant to be on the fringes, then this is okay with me.
I’ll be there along with the others.
And at least we won’t have to wear masks or pretend to be something we are not anymore.

I cannot sacrifice my self-respect and values for this.
“But think about the bigger picture!”
Isn’t always talked about to be in the present moment rather than in the future or the past?

I guess truly sitting with discomfort is too much to bear.
I guess truly sitting in the presence of suffering without changing it for the other is too much to bear.
I guess truly listening to someone’s pain is too much to bear.

Where do I go from here?
I’m not sure.
It is like a wrecking ball has come through.
Knocking every pillar of the foundation off.
Leaving a structure in rubble now.

I can say this.

I’d rather be in the rubble and make new life and meaning out of this than trying to force myself to be in the facade of the previous structure.